Results from 12/20/2007

I received my results from this month's blood work and they are negative! Yeah again! Each month I worry and expect the worse. I really prepared myself, again, for bad news and God was again faithful to heal my body! These last few days have been a little rough as my due date was January 6th. A friend who was due the same day is going to have her baby any day now and it has made me think about it a lot. I know we are going to be just fine though and that God has a bigger plan that what I can see right now. It has been hard to think that we could be having a baby today! But at the same time I can't imagine having a baby today! Thanks for your continued prayers!

Christmas 2007

We survived another Christmas. It was really great and so much fun with Mali. She would ooh and ahh as she opened presents and was very thankful. Mali got a lot of wonderful gifts. Among her favorites are her chair, pink fishing pole, trunk of dress up clothes, huge paper doll book, wooden frog from Thailand, Ratatouille DVD, stuffed bear, REI pink down vest, all her pink clothes, and princess pajamas. We are thankful for all that she got and blessed to receive so many wonderful things through love! One of my favorite memories this Christmas was hearing Mali sing "Joy to the World" after the Christmas Eve service. I'm so thankful for the seeds that are being planted in her heart for Jesus through our celebration of Christmas. Mali also took her first communion...oops, we just didn't want to make a scene by refusing her grape juice and a cracker! But I did explain to her that this is how we remember Jesus and what He did for us. I'm sure she doesn't get it, but I think God is probably okay with a 3 year old "doing this in remembrance of Him". One of many funny stories that happened was that some of Rory and Judy's friends came over and brought their new baby grandson. When the grandmother put him down, Mali said "is it baby Jesus?" I wonder what I can learn from her childlike anticipation and excitement over baby Jesus?! I've added some pictures of our Christmas celebrations to our website. Hope you enjoy looking through them. Merry Christmas for the last time this year, and Happy New Year!
http://www.flickr.com/photos/briegomez/

Our Christmas tradition

Here are pictures of our own celebration of Christmas, yes we celebrated last night which is early. Eric and I have done this since we got married so that we could have our own time to start traditions, carry on traditions, and open our presents from each other, since we still celebrate Christmas Eve/Day with his parents and mine. So, we celebrated last night since we thought Eric was going to be gone tonight and then we will be in Dalhart this weekend. It was great. It was so fun to watch Mali because she would get so excited and say "oh thank you" or "this is great" or "this is my favorite". She was so expressive (imagine that) and fun. We laughed and had a good time. This year Eric and I didn't get each other presents and just did stockings for each other but it was still really fun. We got Mali 3 presents besides her stocking just like Baby Jesus got 3 presents. We ate Rosa's and some what watched "The Elf". Mali got a viewfinder, Leap Pad and Leap Pad Book, plus some really great stocking stuffers, and yes she did get candy but has done a great job brushing her teeth (also got new toothpaste and toothbrush) and limiting her candy intake. Eric got me some great girly things and shirts. I got Eric a really good pillow (best Wal-Mart had to offer) and some manly pampering product. Eric and I also received our Christmas gift from my parents...chairs to go with our big table. We are looking forward to only having one table in our kitchen and are so excited about our nice chairs. We have been using my table that I've had since 1999 that came from Alco! It has lasted a while surprisingly. We are planning on staining our chairs today so that it will be all ready! So enjoy the pictures!

Another appointment

I had another follow up appointment to make sure that the molar has not come back today, and praise God again, everything is still normal. I did talk with my ob again about getting pregnant again and she was pretty firm that we needed to wait until I was cleared on September 1st, 2008. As she put it, you're only 4 months into it now! She asked me if we were ready again which made me think. In a way I feel ready physically, but also terrified of what lies before us. I'm not sure though that I can ever say that I'm ready to get pregnant, that has to be God. Clearly, I do not know what is best, but He does and sees the big picture. So, my appointment was great but also discouraging to be reminded that Sept. 1st is the only time it will be okay to get pregnant.
Another praise is that God has provided me friends. Yesterday two of the women that are in my BSF (Bible Study Fellowship) Group came over with their children and we had a little Christmas party. I was hesitant to attend BSF since I was in a new city, and my fear was this, that I would not meet any young moms if I were to go to BSF. Isn't God amazing, and He does know best! I have met new friends, young moms, through BSF. One of the moms even watched Mali for me while I went to the doctor. Mali also has a friend through this moms daughter. God has been faithful to care for me and bring me under His wing since our move to Amarillo. I certainly miss my friends in Lubbock and they will never be replaced, but after such a short time I can say that I have friends, I don't want to take that for granted.
Thank you again for your prayers!

Quote

I came across this quote that I had written down almost a year ago. I think God intended for me to find it today. It has been one of those days that I'm very discouraged by my abilities at...well...everything, especially parenting. Maybe that is the reason for so many posts today!:) So, I wanted to share this quote and hopefully encourage others.

"We are designed to function poorly, to feel overwhelmed and alone apart from our relationship with Jesus. We are made to be lost without God."
Angela Thomas Guffey
from Tender Mercies for a Mothers' Soul (highly recommended this book)

Mali's 3 year portrait

At her 3 year well visit, Mali weighed 28lbs and was 37 1/2 inches tall! It looks like she will be in a car seat indefinitely!:) (The rule is 40 lbs and you're out!)

Pediatrician Woes

As soon as I found out that we would be moving to Amarillo I began searching for doctors for myself and Mali. I soon came to the realization that in Amarillo, you must be born here to get into a doctor, and especially one that everyone else has heard of. It took me forever to get into a pediatrician for Mali. Our preference was for a female pedi., as Mali has always seen a female pedi. and we just thought it would be convenient for the future since Mali is female. Needless to say, no female pedi's would accept new patients that were toddlers...only newborns. Come to find out, no pedi's in Amarillo would accept new patients unless they were newborns. I finally got Mali into a male pedi that several people had recommended on the basis that I was expecting another baby in January. Even when I miscarried they allowed Mali to stay as their patient. Mali saw this doctor a total of 3 times. For various reasons we were not satisfied with that doctor. Primarily because Mali cried and would not let him examine her (in Lubbock our pedi had referred to Mali as the perfect patient and always told us how she wished all of her patients acted like Mali when they needed to be examined. We always left so proud of Mali and her achievements as a model patient.) So, we decided to get a new pedi. I finally found a female pedi that would consider Mali as a new patient BUT Mali had to go through an approval process first. This took a few weeks and they accepted her. I was so happy. Then they informed me that Mali could not be seen for her 3 year check up until they received all of her medical records. It took 6 weeks and about 6 annoying calls from me for our Lubbock pedi to send the records to the new pedi. In the meantime, Mali's 3 year well visit approached and our 1st Amarillo pedi would not see her for our scheduled appointment because we were in the process of changing pedi's. Finally, Mali had her exam yesterday. I really liked the new pedi, and Mali did great with her. We did spend a total of an hour and a half in the office, but we had waited that in Lubbock too. When we went to check out I tried to schedule Mali's 4 year well visit just to be on top of things. The receptionist informed me that Mali could be seen April of 2009!!!! I'm sure I looked at her really strange and said "her birthday is November 23rd". All of our previous well visits have been the week after Thanksgiving. She then informed me that our new pedi only sees children 2 years and younger for well visits during the winter, so we will have to wait until April for Mali's 4 year visit at which time she will be 4 1/2 almost ready for her 5 year visit! So, it seems that, again, we will be switching pediatricians. I plan on waiting a while because I'm too tired of dealing with this all and I do like our new pediatrician, but not the well visit policy.
I just felt like venting about this crazy ordeal! On the positive side, almost all Amarillo pedi's do have a separate sick and well waiting room! I'm sure only mothers, and mothers who have moved, can relate to this!

Results from 11/20/2007

Just wanted to update my results for this month...still negative! Yeah God! He has truly been faithful to take care of me and us throughout this experience!

Pure Joy!

I think Mali is most likely Sanguine!:)

Doing Well

I am actually doing really well. God continues to bring healing to my body and soul. I have had a few minor health problems, but nothing major at all. We have survived the middle school football season. I can't believe that it is over. Amarillo High made it into the playoffs, so Eric is still some what busy with that. Life has been a little busy for us in the past few weeks. We spent last weekend in Woodward, OK for my step-brother Jordan's wedding. He married a wonderful girl, Chrissy, that really brings happiness to him. Mali also gained three new cousins that weekend, yippee for not being the only grandchild anymore!! Mali especially enjoys her girl cousin, Shayna who is 11. After surviving that weekend, we recovered all week and then headed to Lubbock on Wednesday for the opening of Chris and Megan's restaurant, Beef O' Brady's. It was so exciting to see their accomplishments. The food and atmosphere are great. So, if you are in the Lubbock area, check it on (4th and W. Loop). We also had Mali's 3 year old portraits made at the mall and visited with Zachy and Calyn while we were there. Mali literally screamed with joy when she saw her little friends. It really made me so happy to see her so full of joy. She really misses them. After recovering from that quick trip, we have been preparing for Mali's 3rd Birthday party. I'm in shock that my baby is 3!! Mali and I spent yesterday making a trial run of her Bumble bee shaped cake. It went pretty well. We are having her party on Sunday. I'm always amazed at how I prepare and prepare for her parties to give her exactly what I think she wants and then it is over so quickly!
One of the verses that I've been studying through BSF is Matthew 7:11 "If you, then, though you are evil, know how to give good gifts to your children, how much more will your Father in heaven give good gifts to those who ask him!" I am trying to meditate on this verse as I give my child good gifts.

I think it is official!

Mali and I got a library card today...in Amarillo...at the Amarillo Public Library...and checked out books. So, I think it is official...we live in Amarillo!

Results from 10/20/07

The nurse just called with my results from my last blood test....still negative! She said that we will probably only do one more blood draw. So that means that my body is healing and we are in the clear health wise! Yeah God! So, that also means no more excuses for not feeling good! I guess I better put up that laundry now!:)

Isaiah 61

These verses are really ministering to me so I wanted to post them for others to read:

The Spirit of the Sovereign Lord is on me, because the Lord has anointed me to preach good news to the poor. He has sent me to bind up the brokenhearted, to proclaim freedom for the captives and release from darkness for the prisoners, 2 to proclaim the year of the Lord's favor and the day of vengeance of our God, to comfort all who mourn, 3 and provide for those who grieve in Zion-- to bestow on them a crown of beauty instead of ashes, the oil of gladness instead of mourning, and a garment of praise instead of a spirit of despair. They will be called oaks of righteousness, a planting of the Lord for the display of his splendor.
Isaiah 61:1-3

On Mali

I really want to begin to include positive updates from our life on this blog, especially since my health is going well so far. So, what a better place to start than with Mali. I haven't been as good about updating everyone on what Mali is doing and saying. I think it is because she is just doing so much and is just a big girl now! As she would say "I'm about to be three" and hold up three fingers just like a baseball coach would! The biggest things to share right now with Mali is that she is just still so full of life. She is constantly on the go. She is beginning to play by herself a lot and really like to play with dolls, as a play therapist it is so fun to watch this. Mali stopped napping consistently about a month ago, but will play for a few hours in her room and then sometimes fall asleep. Usually that means sleeping on the floor right next to the baby gate. Mali is rarely sleeping in her bed. Another huge step that goes along with sleeping, is that about a week ago, Mali said she didn't want to wear a pull up to bed. So ever since then, she has been wearing big girl panties while she sleeps. I was afraid that if we didn't go with what she wanted to do, then she would wear pull ups until she was a senior in high school!:) Just kidding. She has done really well with it, with only a few accidents at night. I don't expect it to be really easy, and I have lost sleep several nights over it, but she does seem to be getting better. It makes me so proud of her and how she is becoming responsible. God has just shown me so much about patience in parenting (that is really a daily lesson that I don't always get). But to be patient with Mali and watch for the cues that she gives and respond to those. Some of it is easier said than done, and it is also easy to say since I have driven child. I'm sure it would be amazingly difficult to be patient with a child that didn't want to stop wearing pull ups...ever. Mali is also very interested in dressing herself and will wake up in very different clothes than what I put on her, or with multiple layers of clothing. In fact, at Eric's game last week, we got all the way to the middle school field and Mali needed to potty. It was at a different school and I wasn't comfortable going inside with her. So, I took her behind our car to go to the bathroom. First, I pulled her pants all the way down, and a school bus drove by, so I yanked them back up. Then I realized that, although she was dressed on the outside in what I had picked out for her, that she had on her jeans, "Happy Birthday Shorts" (that is what she calls these colorful shorts), a bathing suit bottom from her 18 month old bathing suit, and then panties. It was pretty funny, but that wasn't the climax. The climax of the outing came when I looked over, at the game, in front of all the players parents, when Mali pulled her pants down. I ran over and pulled them back up and explained to her that we don't do that. She informed me that she was just showing the little boy her bathing suit. She was obviously proud of her fashion sense. About a week ago, we drove past McDonald's (which she used to refer to as "ice cream") and said "Mommy...a 'M' for Mali!" So now every McDonald's we pass she has to point out the 'M' for Mali. She can also identify the letter 'B' and says, 'B' for Brie and Beth. Which actually leads to her calling me Brie a lot more than Mommy. I think the McDonald's 'M' should be for Mommy!:) We also took Mali to her first varsity volleyball game. I hope to expose her early so that she develops this passion for volleyball and becomes the best player ever (I intentionally bred her to be an outside hitter or middle blocker, that's a joke too, sort of). The whole game, Mali never took her eyes off of....the cheerleaders!!!! So, maybe we won't attend any more varsity games. I'm sure that a cheerleader is what she will want to be and God will just have to work on that part of my heart. Each day can be so amazing with Mali, if I just stop and watch her. Some days are hard, and we definitely face the whining and crying over silly little things, but in the big picture it is just great! There are also a few more pictures on our website, so enjoy!
www.flickr.com/photos/briegomez

A really great book

I know that this site is mainly here to update everyone on my health, but I just finished reading a really amazing book by Charles Martin. It is called Chasing Fireflies and I just wanted to share it with all the other avid readers out there that want good wholesome reading material. The literary quality is wonderful, especially for Christian fiction, and I couldn't keep it to myself. I think sometimes God can heal our souls through fiction too, at least he has mine, so that is why I'm sharing this here on my blog. And, all of Charles Martin's books are really good.
Chasing Fireflies: A Novel of Discovery

Content

Just a quick update to let everyone know that I'm feeling much, much better. I finally feel that I'm getting over the miscarriage/surgery stuff. I'm also healing emotionally. The last few weeks I haven't even really thought of having another child right now, and when I do I feel contentment with what God has for our life right now. I believe that God has really enabled me to focus on right now and to be realistic about how hard a new baby would be any way, and so I'm just enjoying our time with Mali. Seeing other people with baby #2 can be hard, but I do feel content. I know that this is all God. I also think being content with whatever we are given in life, like Paul said, is a major call for me as a Christian (although I don't always do it day to day, but hopefully in the big picture I can be content!). I'm still adjusting hormonally, but think I have probably returned to normal. I'm experimenting with another form of birth control and was sick to my stomach all night again, but hopefully this will past...oh and I lost my voice. It has made parenting just a little more hard, Mali doesn't get it and keeps saying "I can't hear you!" (I think I've said that to her a few too many times). Just wanted to give an update and give credit to God for healing my heart and making me content! It is a huge weight lifted and feels good to be happy. Thanks again for your love and prayers.

Results from 9/20/07

The nurse just called and my hCG levels are still < 5!!! Yeah for God taking care of me throughout all of this. This is the absolutely best outcome that could have happened from this experience!

So, are you still liking Amarillo?

This was the question the doctor asked me today. Thankfully, we are able to laugh about it now, but my experience with being in Amarillo has been crazy...but very positive as I have received great care. Today was my last appointment for 3 months! I will go back every 3 months until I have reached 1 year from my levels dropping to < 5 (which was about 3 weeks ago). I will have my blood drawn today, and then once a month for a year as well. It feels good to be going to the doctor less and getting my blood drawn less. Especially when Mali keeps asking "Momma, are you going to have your blood drawn?" and acting that out.
Something that I feel like God has shown me about the length of the "process" I had to go through was that it might have actually been a blessing. I will try and explain this. I joined an online support group and have read different personal accounts of women with molar pregnancies. It seems that most of these women have D&C's immediately and have high hCG levels after the D&C. When their levels don't drop to <5, they have had to undergo chemo. So, I'm not sure, but I wonder if since I didn't receive treatment for a molar pregnancy immediately, my levels dropped (slowly) but at the time that I had the D&C my levels were low enough that it was completely taken care of with the surgery. God may have been protecting me from having to undergo chemo and all that entails. Just wanted to share that and hope my thoughts make sense. Thanks for all your prayers. I will keep you updated on my lab results, although at this point, I feel pretty safe saying that I'm in the clear. After three draws of "zero" the doctors consider me back to normal.

Good

Yesterday, I was listening to Ed Young on t.v. while I cleaned the house and he brought up Romans 8:28 "And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose." I have been so fortunate to have pastors that have explained to me that verse, and that it's meaning is not that everything that happens to us is good, because we are Christians, but that everything that happens works for our good...to make us better, closer to God, etc. So my hope is that in looking back I will see the good work that God has done through this in my family.
This week I'm doing better, maybe it is because life has just taken over, but I think that God is continuing to care for me and pull me through this difficult time. I don't seem to be struggling with not having another child when I want one, but instead taking every moment to enjoy the beautiful child I do have. My energy level isn't what I want, but instead of napping while Mali is down, I'm pushing on through and cleaning the house and completing much needed projects. I'm exhausted when Mali goes down at night...and that has been a battle all it's own. She's currently sleeping in the closet. And sleeping is used very lightly here. Nap has been a whole other battle as well. Do I really have the child that drops her nap before she turns 3? It wouldn't surprise me! Since I commented on how I'm getting so much done, I suppose I better get to work instead of blogging. Today and tomorrow are huge rivalry games between Bonham and Crockett and Amarillo High's homecoming is Friday (Against Odessa Permian, Friday Night Lights fame for those who don't know), so it promises to be a very busy week! Thanks for continued prayers and love!

Plug

As most of you may know, I am a Licensed Professional Counselor/National Certified Counselor and have training in play therapy. I believe that this was the first calling that God put on my life, but then He changed my primary calling to that of staying at home to raise Mali. In Lubbock I was able to see a few clients based on my connections at Buckner as my past employer, but moving to Amarillo I have no "connections". I am not sure that this is highly professional, however I'm posting this because I have a desire to help children in need, if they are out there. I accept Medicaid and private pay, but no other insurances, and have no office at this point. My mode of treatment is primarily play therapy, or tote bag therapy, as I bring a "tote bag" of play therapy specific toys to the child's home. Eric and I have decided that it may be in the best interest of our family at this point for me to pick up a few clients, if there is a need out there. So, if you know of any one that this might help, please forward this information on, and read the information below concerning play therapy! I so appreciate it! Thank you so much for letting me plug my services!


Throughout their lives, most children go through difficult times, such as the divorce of their parents, trouble making friends, or adjusting to changes at school or home. Some children need more help than others to get through these times. If you or other adults in your child's life are concerned about your child's behavior, play therapy can help.

What is play therapy?
Play therapy is to children what counseling is to adults. Play therapy utilizes play, children's natural medium of expression, to help them express their feelings more easily through toys instead of words.
Play Therapy is the most appropriate method of treatment for children who are having difficulties coping with life situations. Though children lack the cognitive skills to express themselves with words, they are fluent in the language of play. Play therapy allows them to express themselves in the way in which they are most comfortable.

What's the difference between play therapy and playing with my child at home?
Play therapists are specifically trained to provide an environment of acceptance, empathy and understanding in the play therapy room. Play therapy is not the same thing as playing. Play therapy uses the child's natural tendency to "play out" their reactions to life situations, in the presence of a trained play therapist, to help the child feel accepted and understood and gain a sense of control or understanding of difficult situations.

Released

Today I went to see the oncologist again and was RELEASED from the Cancer Center! My hCG levels were < 5 again and so Dr. Tedjaradi released me. God really blessed me with a tremendous oncologist, but now my regular gynecologist will just check my levels. From now on I will have my levels checked once a month, and then every 3 months for a year when my gynecologist okay's it. They also checked my uterus, and it has returned to normal size! Yeah! I feel so relieved. I haven't felt good lately and so I was a little nervous that my hCG had gone back up. So far it seems that God has just allowed this carcinoma to be erased from my body! This news has definitely brightened my day, although the financial burden of it all looms above me. If anyone knows any children in Amarillo that would benefit from play therapy, this is a plug!:) Thank you again for all of your prayers, emails, messages, and texts. They have all been such a blessing and have encouraged me as we walk down this road.

Not smelling like fire

The past week has been a little difficult to rise above my circumstances. Part of the problem is receiving bills for surgery. Especially when it cost what having a baby would cost (not quite, but that is what my mind is telling me). I'm finding that I'm having to spend a lot more time and effort taking captive my thoughts and feelings. I'm not sure if it is hormone related (I think it is), but I am struggling with being upset and just having to fight it, or ask God to fight it is more correct. I am really trying to rest in the sovereignty of God. The chapter that I'm reading in "A Life Well Lived" has been focusing on having poise during difficult times, and believe me, that is what I'm trying to do. I'm not sure that I'm really succeeding right now. God has reminded me of the Daniel study that Beth Moore wrote. She talks about how Shadrach, Meshach and Abed-nego came through the fiery furnace and didn't even smell like fire. "v. 27 and the satraps, prefects, governors and royal advisers crowded around them. They saw that the fire had not harmed their bodies, nor was a hair of their heads singed; their robes were not scorched, and there was no smell of fire on them."(see Daniel 3) I suppose that is part of the greatest struggle right now; to go through this fire, which is actually sometimes daily small embers spit off of the larger fire in my life, and yet to not smell like the stench of the burn. I know that I have such an opportunity to choose to breathe life or breathe death from this experience, especially as I come in contact with new people and share my "story". At this point what I know is that I have to expose myself to God in some form, scripture, prayer, music, worship, anything on a daily basis, or else I will not succeed in not smelling like this fire.
I also wanted to share a quote from the book (I will say again, you need to get this one!!):

Ecclesiastes 8:6 "For there is a proper time and procedure for every delight, when a man's trouble is heavy upon him."

When my life is burdensome and my heart is broken, I need to remember that there is a proper time and procedure for every delight. There will be a time when this trouble is gone. There will be times of laughter. In God's purposes, there will be a time when everything is turned upright again.
So if you have trouble that is heavy on you right now, know that it is all in the sovereign purposes of God. Change what you can change. Be wise. But in what you can't change, rest in the sovereignty of God.

Also, one of my very best friends shared this verse with me. I hope she doesn't mind that I shared it on the blog. It was so appropriate. I continue to be amazed at how scripture really is new every morning!

It made me think that God knows what we need, when we need it, and He is gracious to fulfill our desires with an "open hand". Hope that makes sense, but I guess the verse can speak for itself! "The eyes of all look to you, and you give them their food at the proper time. You open your hand and satisfy the desires of every living thing." - Psalm 145:15-16

On a much lighter note, football season at Bonham has begun. Eric won all four of his games in the past two days. A major cold front hit right before the 7th grade games on Monday and it has been perfect football weather ever since. We have had fun enjoying what we can enjoy and celebrating with Eric! So to add to my list of "likes" about Amarillo, the middle schools do not play at stadiums, just on the fields outside of the school, which makes life much easier with a 2 1/2 year old running around. I watched more of the games than I've watched since she was born (and maybe before that since I'm new and have no one to socialize with :) )

Sick

I would so appreciate your prayers right now. I have been sick to my stomach, with major stomach pains as well, since last night. Right now it is finally getting better. I contacted my gyn's nurse, and she seems to think it is all my medication plus last night I had to take 3 birth control pills at once (doctor's orders to control some other issues that are going on). I'm pretty sure that is what is wrong. I'm supposed to continue to take 2 birth control pills today but I'm planning on just taking one and skipping all my other medication today. This is why I hate birth control. Eric commented "so you pretty much feel pregnant again", yes I do, but even worse and nothing to show for it. On top of that, last night we took Mali to the pediatrician because she was crying and inconsolable and she either has strep or a urinary tract infection, pretty sure it is a UTI though, we have to wait for the cultures to come back to know for sure. Thank you for lifting us up, sorry to just always have more drama to post! I'm so ready to be back to normal and be a good mom again!:( So far Mali has eaten fruit snacks, chex mix, whales, and pretzels for breakfast and lunch, and just wore underwear until nap. I better go rest and try and get better!

A little convicted

After my discouraging day and my last post, I went and read "A Life Well Lived" and this scripture was in there. I had to share it, because it really put things in perspective for me. It doesn't make this easier, but reminds me to trust God. And, if you haven't bought this book yet...DO IT!:) I think it should be required reading for everyone!:)

Isaiah 40:13-14

13 Who has understood the mind of the Lord, or instructed him as his counselor? 14 Whom did the Lord consult to enlighten him, and who taught him the right way? Who was it that taught him knowledge or showed him the path of understanding?

Today

I've been pretty good at pretending I'm strong throughout this whole thing, but today is not one of those days. (Really though the only strength that I have had is God's.) I had a follow up appointment with my ob/gyn today. I'm so thankful for her and that God took me to her. She is really great. So the results of that appointment are that my uterus is still enlarged (one of the symptoms of a molar pregnancy, and why I realize now I was "showing" so quickly when we first found out I was pregnant), but it should continue to go down. I had stopped bleeding, but started again today, which is just all part of this whole thing. My doctor put me on a prescription strength iron pill to help get my blood count back up. She didn't check to see if I was anemic, but is pretty much a given that I need to build my blood back up. I had asked when I would feel better, and her response was 6-8 weeks, but that iron would help. I also got a prescription for birth control (whoo hoo). I know that so many people are on the pill and love it, but I just haven't had good experiences. On top of that I got the cheapest one that I could and it is still going to be about $20/month. I would appreciate your prayers that birth control doesn't affect me emotionally. I'm very nervous about this (why, I'm not sure, as God has been so faithful to me throughout this experience. I guess I'm just living in my flesh today.) I read some reviews about this particular pill, and they weren't good, about the emotional side affects. My doctor also scheduled another follow up for two weeks from now to recheck my uterus. It turns out that I will pretty much have weekly appointments between the oncologist and her, but better safe than sorry. From here on out, I need to have my hCG levels checked every two to three weeks until I have three negative readings (under zero), after that I will have my levels checked every three months until a year has passed. At that point, we may be released to try again to get pregnant. I asked my doctor about my chances of this coming back. She said that it is a greater risk within the year time frame, but still a low risk...yet there was a 1/1,500 chance of this happening in the first place and it happened to me. She explained to me that they do not want me to get pregnant because it is hard to monitor whether or not the carcinoma has come back (her words) because all they have to go by is the hCG levels. She said that if I get a blood test that my levels are elevated I would need more intense treatment (possibly chemo). Her words were that if I were to become pregnant this, molar pregnancy, is so dangerous that they would have to abort the pregnancy and treat it as if it was in fact a molar, because there would be no other way to tell. So it is worth the wait. I'm really trying to rest in God's plan and lay this at His feet. Today it was hard to see the pregnant women in the office, especially the ones with what looked like another 2 year old child. I spent most of Sunday crying over this, and Eric said "did you ever think you would cry over not having a baby?" We laughed, and then he said that he thought it was pretty neat that I did want a baby. My doctor also talked with me about the care I had received in Lubbock and asked if I had notified my doctor there of what had happened. She said that she did not even have to see me, just my levels and the sonogram and list of symptoms, to know that this was a molar pregnancy. I think after I am better emotionally (not sure when that will be, especially being on the pill), I'm going to write a very professional letter to them about the care I received. I'm really not angry, and what is done is done, and God allowed this all to happen, but maybe I can help a patient in the future have better care.
I so appreciate all of your prayers and love! I continue to need them, even though surgery is done! I'm ready to feel better and not have to live day to day or appointment to appointment. We'll get there though, I just have to keep trusting in what God is doing in my life. Speaking of, I think I really need to stop venting and get in the Word right now!:)

Artist

I've had a few people ask the artist of the song, sorry I totally forgot to give them credit. Its Need to Breathe and the song is Yahweh. You can look at Air1 and find a link for them I'm sure.

Results

This morning I went to the oncologist to go over my results from the D&C. The pathology report showed that it was a molar pregnancy but that it had not spread to cancer. Also, my hCG levels were less than 5 which is wonderful. (They need to be at zero, but this is the lowest it has been). So, this means that the D&C got almost all of the molar pregnancy out. I go back in 3 weeks for blood work and we will monitor my hCG for the next year. The doctor stressed again that I can not get pregnant for a year. He told me to send Eric out of the country for a year!:) But I do have to be on two forms of birth control for three months, and then just an aggressive form of birth control pill for the remainder of the year. I'm not looking forward to that as I haven't taken birth control for 6 years because of how it made me feel. But I totally get how important it is not to get pregnant. Thank you for all of your prayers. I'm so relieved right now and thankful for how God has taken care of me and answered our prayers! Thank you all!
These are the lyrics to the song that was playing when I pulled up to the Cancer Center, so I had to share:
Cathedrals have tried in vain
To show the image of Your face.
But we are, by Your design,
The signature of divine.

We'll always sing Your name.
Forever and today.

Chorus:
Yahweh, Yahweh...
Great is Your glory when You go before me
Oh, we sing...
Holy, Holy...
Your ways are lovely. So high above me.
Yahweh

The fortunes of kings and queens
Are wasted chasing what we've seen.
Cause we are, by Your reprieve,
The beauty framed by Your suffering.

We'll always sing Your name.
Forever and today.

Chorus:

Take me, and pull me through.
Cause I can't move without You.
I won't leave You alone, You say.
It will be okay.

Chorus: (2x�s)

Ancient of Days...
Yahweh!

Bloodwork

Today I go and have follow-up bloodwork done at the cancer center. I won't know the results until tomorrow when I have my follow up consultation with the oncologist. The hope is that my hCG is at zero.

Health wise I’m doing pretty good, my body is just trying to recover from the last few months plus surgery. However, the last few days have been harder emotionally to recover. I think that since I feel better physically I’ve had more time to focus on the emotional aspects of this diagnosis. It has really been hard to think that we can not even try to have another child for a year, which means that if that all works well, our children would be five years apart. Coming from a family studies/counseling background that really bothers me, and is something I would not ever have wanted. I spent a lot of my education studying birth order, and what that all means, and I never wanted an oldest child (totally irrational and impossible I know), and now it seems that I might have two oldest children, or two only children, yikes! There are also other reasons that it just makes me sad. I don’t want Mali to grow up spoiled and with all the attention. I so desired for her to have a close sibling relationship, because my relationship with Brandon is what got me through so much. In the back of my mind, I keep telling myself that God knows what is best, and even though my education, opinion, and intuition tell me this isn’t good, that God knows the truth and the big picture and what is truly good. But, I am struggling with this right now. The funny thing is, that I wasn’t sure I wanted another child, but I knew I didn’t want Mali to be an only child. I assumed I just needed to “suck it up” and have another child and that it would end up being wonderful, just like having Mali ended up being so wonderful. I feel a lot of guilt for not wanting children, and wonder if this is why we can’t have another one, but I’m also not real sure God works like that.

I really felt like I wanted to get this off my heart and write about it. It is a little personal, and that is hard for me to share, it makes me vulnerable-one thing I hate to be. But, that might just be part of God’s plan for me! Thank you again for all your prayers. I will post an update after my consultation tomorrow!

Making it really easy

Here is the link to a site where you can buy "A Life well Lived". I so think every one of you would benefit from this study.
A Life Well Lived
Also, here are 2 other quotes that I read yesterday:
“Whether you’re a believer or an atheist, you will royally mess up your life if you can’t trust God.”
“The chances are that if I asked you to list the things that have shaped your life, you would not name the mountaintop moments of success. Instead, you would list your times in valleys of hurt and pain when you were forced to rely on trust, prayer, and perseverance. Those are the times that shape you.”

I just thought these were such truths for my experience now, and my valleys of hurt experiences. So I had to share.

I’m continuing to recover…thanks for your prayers. I’m just seeing how life can take such unexpected twists and turns and can change overnight. God is our constant and our Rock, and He doesn’t twist and turn, He’s always the same. That is why I can trust Him and turn to Him.

Praise!

Yesterday we got our new insurance cards in the mail and the coverage begins Sept. 1st...yeah God!
I'm continuing to recover, although each day is a challenge. I seem to count down the minutes until nap time and bedtime each day (right before each is the hardest part of my day). I did sleep last night without sleeping pills (yeah to that too). I had taken them the past few nights because I was so worried of not sleeping and having those weird dreams/thoughts that I had the night of my surgery. But everything was good, except being woken up multiple times by the dog that is supposed to be an outside dog but that is now inside at night!!! I'm finding I'm not quite as tough when I'm recovering from surgery.:)
I just wanted to again thank everyone that has sent me some sort of message and that is praying. I wish I had the time to personally write you each back, but know that I definitely acknowledge what you have sent and so appreciate it!

and...

Insurance seems like it is going to work out just fine because Eric's contract started before any one else's. So another answered prayer!!:)

Recovering

So I'm finally writing my own update. Yesterday I was still too groggy to post. The surgery went really well, amazing actually. I so expected the worst, but God gave me the best. I am so grateful to Him as He answered our prayers and took care of me. Thank you so much for all your prayers as well. God answered them!!! A surgery that usually involves a lot of blood loss, ended up being one with very little blood loss. That right there is God! The recovery has gone pretty well. I can't complain, as the whole picture turned out so great. I was pretty sick after the surgery until I got home and go to bed. I didn't get hardly any sleep that night and spent most of yesterday napping on and off throughout the day. However, I did not have to take any more pain meds. Last night I finally got good sleep (thanks to a dose of Tylenol PM) and feel better today. I'm still a little tired but was able to get up and function for the most part; eating breakfast, putting my contacts in, getting dressed in something other than a t-shirt and workout shorts, and putting makeup on! (I also put my nose ring back in! As if you all care about that!:)) I have had more pain today, but am managing it with regular Advil, trying to stay away from the Codeine unless I really need it. I've heard the 3rd day is usually the worst of recovery. Mali came back this morning and it was so good to see her and hold her. I think I'm going to be okay with having her back, but it is sure nice that she likes to pretend to go "night-night" and gives me a pillow and blankets and lies down beside me! She told Terry that she was going to come home and take care of me and take me to Wal-Mart. I'm not so sure about Wal-Mart...I think that is a place a need to avoid!:) It was sweet of her, and shows her heart, but I also hate to have a child that thinks she needs to take care of me. I think everyone has been emphasizing that she needs to be good for me, etc. (which would be very nice). Mali seemed to enjoy her time away, but struggled again with going to the bathroom when she needed to.
The chest x-ray also came back good, so the molar pregnancy had not spread to my lungs. I will do follow up blood work (measuring my hCG) again next Thursday and a consultation with the oncologist on Friday to go over the results of the surgery and blood work. The hope is that since the molar pregnancy was removed that my hCG will return to zero. They will monitor my hCG for a year to make sure that the molar pregnancy doesn't return. And at that point if all is good, we can try to have another baby.
Well I just wanted to let everyone know what was going on. I better go and get some rest while Mali is napping. Thank you all so very much for your prayers, the food, the thoughts, and the love you have given our family as we go through this.

She made it!!!!

Hey everyone, just wanted to let you know that Brie made it out of surgery. She did great. The actual surgery only took about 30-45 minutes. The doctor did say he got everthing and she had very minimal bleeding. She goes back in 2 weeks for labwork and they will check her HCG levels again. So there were no complications at all. She did have some trouble waking up from anesthesia. She has been nausous since she got out of surgery. She also had some cramping and they couldn't give her pain meds until she ate something. She kept it down long enough to get the pain meds then it all came back up. They finally gave her something different about 45 minutes ago and now she is finally sleeping. She is suppose to go home tonight, but we don't know what time yet. I am sure that Brie will keep you updated. I know she greatly appreciates your thoughts and prayers. She was suprised herself at how well everything went. Beth and Melissa suprised her by showing up this morning. They have been here all day and even went to Brie and Eric's house to clean so Brie wouldn't have to do it later. Please keep praying that she will have a speedy recovery. Thanks, Megan

Tomorrow

Today has been a hard day for me. I have not felt good at all and am just so worried about tomorrow's results. Actually, maybe anxious is the better word, because I do totally trust and believe that God is in control of this. I am scared. I have the praise and worship song with the words "you are good, you are good, and your love endures..." stuck in my head, so I keep reciting that over and over today. I'm always reciting Isaiah 41:10 in my head. It was my very first verse to memorize when I started having a relationship with Jesus (remember this one Carrie?). "So do not fear, for I am with you; do not be dismayed, for I am your God. I will strengthen you and help you; I will uphold you with my righteous right hand." Do not be afraid!!! Even though I know all these things, it is hard to not fear. I so appreciate your love and prayers. We have had so many people that we don't even know love on us during this time, thank you!
Tonight my Dad and Terry came down to pick up Mali to take her to Dalhart for a few days. That was when it really hit me. It was so difficult to let her go and say good-bye to her, although I do not want her to have to be around and be exposed to what is going to happen to me. She is going to have so much more fun swimming and playing with her kitchen and terrorizing little dogs!:) Our house is extremely quiet now, but I am looking forward to this rest. Even though this was so difficult, after I cried all the way home, I did feel washed over with peace.
We will go to BSA tomorrow morning at 6:30am and wait around for my turn. Eric or Megan will be updating this blog when they take me to surgery and after the surgery is over, so keep checking it. Eric will be alone at the hospital for a long time, so please pray for him during that time. If only he enjoyed reading, he would get a lot done.
Karen Copeland's (Trook) Sunday School Class at Paramount Baptist is going to bring us food tomorrow evening and one of the coaches and his wife (we knew them from Levelland) will bring us food on Tuesday. Thank you so so much for loving us this way in a new town where we aren't plugged in yet!
I love you all dearly and treasure you. God has continued to provide for us and love on us. HE IS GOOD, HE IS GOOD....

Insurance

Another praise, and prayer request all in one. Yesterday at the football scrimmage, one of the other coaches' wives that just moved here as well told me that she thinks we will have a lapse in insurance coverage for about a month. Levelland's stops Sept. 1st and AISD starts Oct. 1st.

So the praise is that my surgery will be before September 1^st, that is so huge and it was a close call, but God again took care of us in this situation. The prayer request is that we will have coverage as I will have a lot of follow up stuff that needs to be done in the following month.

Enjoying Life

One of the big points that Solomon is making in Ecclesiastes is to enjoy life, what God has given us, so we've really been trying to enjoy life these past few days. This afternoon, I took a ride on Brandon's new Harley!!! It was actually really, really fun. I've always been terrified of motorcycles and have had absolutely no desire to ride one. But it was very enjoyable. I have to admit, we only went around the block, but it was fun and so not typical for me! I just thought I would actually blog something fun and positive during this situation.

Amarillo

Last night as I finally allowed my self to sit and think and process what is going on, I was thinking about what I need, as many people have asked and offered. The thoughts that came to my mind were "I need to be in Lubbock." But then God helped me to see that if I was in Lubbock I might not be taken care of by doctors the way I have been here. Which led me to realize something that I never would have thought was possible, that this move to Amarillo may have been for me after all! I would never have thought that something I didn't want at all would actually be something that would help me! I guess it just re-affirms that we need to trust God and His plan because He can see so much more than what our human minds can even conceive of!
Many people have asked how I'm doing, and is my own tendency, I'm trying really hard to be strong and probably not really allowing myself to think about what is going on with me and my body. I'm very tired and am not sleeping well at all. Last night a lot of things hit me, and I'm feeling pretty scared about the surgery and what might happen. But I also know and believe that God is in control. As I finish this post, I want to share some more scripture that was given to me by a friend. Thank you again many times over for all that each of you is doing for our family right now!

Psalm 113
1 Praise the LORD. [a]
Praise, O servants of the LORD,
praise the name of the LORD.

2 Let the name of the LORD be praised,
both now and forevermore.

3 From the rising of the sun to the place where it sets,
the name of the LORD is to be praised.

4 The LORD is exalted over all the nations,
his glory above the heavens.

5 Who is like the LORD our God,
the One who sits enthroned on high,

6 who stoops down to look
on the heavens and the earth?

7 He raises the poor from the dust
and lifts the needy from the ash heap;

8 he seats them with princes,
with the princes of their people.

9 He settles the barren woman in her home
as a happy mother of children.
Praise the LORD.

My Savior, My God

I really feel like God speaks to me through lyrics of songs sometimes. When Brandon was going through a difficult loss about a year ago, I first heard this song, then on the way home from getting Mali this was on the radio again. I just had to share, although I'm sure most of you know it!

I am not skilled to understand
What God has willed, what God has planned
I only know at his right hand
Stands one who is my savior

I take him at his word and deed
Christ died to save me this I read
And in my heart I find a need
For him to be my savior

That he would leave his place on high
And come for sinful man to die
You count it strange, so once did I
Before I knew my savior

My savior loves, my savior lives
My savior's always there for me
My God he was, my God he is
My God he's always gonna be

Yes, living, dying; let me bring
My strength, my solace from this spring
That he who lives to be my king
Once died to be my savior

That he would leave his place on high
And come for sinful man to die
You count it strange, so once did I
Before I knew my savior

My savior loves, my savior lives
My savior's always there for me
My God he was, My God he is
My God he's always gonna be

Aaron Shust

Update for today

This morning I went to the oncologist at 11:15am. It was so so hard. I think I was shaking the whole time we were going through paperwork. Then they handed me a packet on treatment at the Cancer Center. Eric wouldn't let me read it though until after the appointment, because we are hopeful.
Anyway, I will try and give a run down on what happened. It was a very busy day and I'm exhausted, plus Mali isn't taking a nap today since it is already 4pm.
The doctor told me that I was not in there because I had cancer, we are unsure of the exact state of the molar pregnancy at this point, but that it can act like cancer. He explained that it was a very complicated procedure with lots of possible risks. I had to sign a consent for a transfusion, as well as a consent to a hysterectomy if that was necessary. He explained that it may not be necessary but that he would not do the D&C unless I agreed to this. It was so hard to hear that. I really nearly lost it, but Eric reminded me that we do already have such a beautiful child. The doctor also explained that it is imperative that we not get pregnant again for one year as the molar pregnancy can come back and spread like cancer. He wanted to take me in this afternoon but since I had eaten he really couldn't. He then said since I've been running a mile everyday that he couldn't really say that it was an emergency to get me in tonight!:) After an exam and scheduling the D&C we went to the hospital to pre-register for my surgery. I had more labs drawn and a chest x-ray to make sure that the molar pregnancy has not spread to my lungs. I'm now ready to go (and I have a wrist band I get to wear all weekend until I'm admitted:)) Here are the important facts:

• I'm scheduled for a D&C at 1:30pm on Monday August 20th. However, they want me to go in at 6:30am to be ready at any time in case I can be moved up. I had experience with that with my induction with Mali.
• My potassium levels are low and so I have to take potassium supplements until my surgery and then they will re-draw Monday morning.
• First answered prayer (that we are aware of at least): I'm not anemic. I know this is so God because there is no way I shouldn't be as just 2 months ago I was.

Thank you ALL for your prayers, texts, emails, posts, comments, messages, words of encouragement, etc. It means so very much to me and God is using it to keep me going. I am completely at peace and feel assured of the outcome. I am very comfortable with my doctor and his staff.
I would ask you to pray for:

• My fear. I am scared about going completly under for the surgery and know it will hit me soon.
• Potassium levels to go up
• Surgery of course would go well and they would get everything out and that I wouldn't need chemo treatments
• That God would just protect my womb from any injury or from hysterectomy.
• That I would make it through this
• For Mali and my guilt at not being a good mom to her right now (I know that is probably totally irrational).
• For support and love to surround me physically. I need it. I'm trying to be so strong, but my moment will come. I need someone to be strong for me...but I do the strongest One is here for me!
• And all other ways you know to pray for this situation!

I pray that God is so glorified and his purposes completed because of this! Many of you have asked me to let you know what I need, honestly I don't know what I need. Let God lead you and obey Him as he shows you! That's the best I can say!:) Thank you all many many times over! I'm going to lie on the couch with my sweet daughter in my arms, listen to the thunder and rain and rest!

Asa

Yesterday after Eric finished in-service stuff he took me on a surprise trip to the DAWGS animal shelter to adopt a whippet (a dog I've always wanted) since we will not be able to have our own baby any time soon. Here name is Asa (like awesome) and means Hope in Nepali. We wanted to name her something that symbolizes what we are going through. Crazy, I know! So far she has been really, really good. I'm hoping to run with her once I recovery from all this.

Sonogram

Lat night I had another sonogram. I don't know much as an M.D. was not in there. Megan went with me. The sonographer did say that it was small and pointing to everything in my uterus said "all that stuff...its not supposed to be in there". We go to the oncologist in a couple of hours and I will post the news after that.

A Life Well Lived

A few weeks ago the father of a girl that I am seeing in play therapy had recommended the book A Life Well Lived by Tommy Nelson (He did a study on Song of Solomon that many of you might be familiar with). I bought the book for me and my brother, but really didn't have any idea why I needed to read it other than it was good and I needed a bible study to do. Today I just read Chapter 3, which is titled The Problem with God: Why do bad things happen to me when I love God and am trying to do the right thing?
I wish I could scan the entire chapter and post it, but I can’t. And what it has showed me and comforted me with is just amazing. I am amazed how God planned even this out that I read this book at just the right time. First you have to read Ecclesiastes 3:1-15. Here are some sentences from the chapter that I underlined; Nelson says that “God has a plan and does not waver from it. God is sovereign over everything. No evil action skirts his plan. No piece of the puzzle is left over at the end. If you don’t die from something unexpected, there will be a day you weep over some diagnosis. These things are all ordained. We cannot know what life will bring.” He then identifies four platforms that Solomon gives us in Ecc.3:11-15:

God’s plan is wise

God’s plan is mysterious

We cannot let what we cannot know destroy what we can enjoy

Rest in the sovereignty of God: God is in control. His plan is unchangeably perfect.

Hope this helps some of you too, and encourages you to go read this book!:)

Websites

Here are some links to sites about molar pregnancies for more information:
http://www.njh.u-net.com/cgest.html
http://www.obgyn.net/women/women.asp?page=/women/articles/molarpreg_dah
http://www.americanpregnancy.org/pregnancycomplications/molarpregnancy.html

Scripture

These are verses God has comforted me with through friends

"Trust in the Lord forever, for the Lord, the Lord is the Rock eternal." Isaiah 26:4

"The secret things belong to the Lord our God, but the things revealed belong to us and to our children forever. . . . " Deuteronomy 29:29

"He will have no fear of bad news; his heart is steadfast, trusting in the Lord. "Psalm 112:7

"Lord, you have assigned me my portion and my cup; you have made my lot secure." Psalm 16:5

Sparrows

As if I didn't have enough posts already. These are things that I have been processing today. I didn't sleep much last night and was up for about 2 hours in the middle of the night just thinking through things. I also ordered a plastic nose stud because I will have to remove mine for surgery, and I DO NOT want to have to get that re-pierced, although if I'm already under maybe the surgeon could re do it!:) It is being expressed mailed so I should have it in time! This morning I went in for more blood work at the Harrington Cancer Center. I can not even begin to explain how difficult it was to walk into a building with Cancer Center on it with my beautiful, full of live two year old. I nearly lost it! But at the same time my heart hurt so bad knowing that all those people in there most likely did have cancer. After I had my blood drawn, Mali and I walked down to a river/lake that flows past the hospital. We fed the ducks and geese...and the little sparrows. Mali is very fascinated with sparrows because of a movie "Willow the Sparrow" (which she calls The Sparagus.) God took that time to remind me how he cares for the sparrows, and how in fact, he was using Mali and I to take care of those sparrows. I know, because of the truth in His Word, that He will care for me and my family. Luke 12:6-8 says :" Are not five sparrows sold for two pennies? Yet not one of them is forgotten by God. Indeed, the very hairs of your head are all numbered. Don't be afraid; you are worth more than many sparrows. "I tell you, whoever acknowledges me before men, the Son of Man will also acknowledge him before the angels of God."
So knowing God's truth has helped. I think I am still numb and in shock. Some moments are really difficult, especially at night, but I'm trying to just take it one day at a time. Tonight I have another sonogram at BSA (the hospital) at 8:45pm so that the doctor can have records on file at the hospital. Tomorrow (Friday) I see the oncologist at 11:45 to make a plan and schedule the d/c. I will keep you all posted. Thank you so very much for praying and caring.

Prayer requests as I think of them

I would ask you guys to keep in mind the following prayers requests as you pray (BUT pray how GOD leads you as He is so much wiser in what I need):

• That the molar pregnancy has not spread or become malignant
• That the d/c will go well:
• No long term problems with transfusion
• Easy recovery
• No bad reactions to anesthesia or going completely under
• That I will come out of anesthesia without any problems
• I will not loose much blood
• wisdom and precision for the oncologist that will perform the d/c
• kind & nurturing staff
• We just paid off all of our credit card debt this week and now have more debt headed our way, pray that God would ease that burden.
• Sleep for me and Eric
• We would place our trust in God and that His purposes would be accomplished through this (whatever they are)
• Mali would be okay. She has been to many appointments with me throughout this ordeal and yesterday acted out getting her blood drawn!:( (Play therapists you understand). I know its just part of life, but I want my daughter to be okay and healthy.
• Support; we just moved to a new town and are not surrounded by our closest friends. Although we do have family nearer.
• That my womb will be okay to have more children (we already have to wait 1 year from the time my hCG levels return to zero, which is one of the hardest things to hear right now.)

I think that is it! I so appreciate your prayers and do not take it lightly that you are doing so. Thank you for the amazing people that have already called me and prayed with me on the phone and those that have done so in private!!

What is going on with me

As most of you know I had a miscarriage back in June. I have been in the
"process" of this for the last almost three months. After we moved, I had
problems with getting a gynecologist to take care of me (for lack of a better term).
However, I thought that I had finished the process a few weeks ago and was
on the way to recovery. I checked back with my old doctor and finally got
my new doctor to see me today. The Amarillo doctor did labs and a sonogram
and exam and told me that I still had way too much tissue and grape size
clusters in my uterus. She said that these are signs of a molar pregnancy
and that the Lubbock doctors should have realized this back when my levels
were extremely high and there was no baby. So I'm posting this to ask you to
pray for my family as we deal with this news. A molar pregnancy is a form
of cancer, although not necessarily in the way that we think of cancer.
However, Friday I will go in to have an appointment with an oncologist who
will do a full cancer workup on me. He will also do my d/c (that should
have been done months ago). My Amarillo gyn told me that I will need a
transfusion after the surgery, so to be prepared for that, based on my blood
loss with the miscarriage, my history of blood loss with the c-section, and
the fact that d/c usually mean quite a bit of blood loss. Thank you all for
your prayers. I know and believe our God is a God that heals, and a God
that was not surprised by this, although I am trying to make sense of it all
at this point.
"For who can eat and who can have enjoyment without Him? For to a person
who is good in His sight He has given wisdom and knowledge and
joy..."Ecclesiastes 2:25-26a.
Thank you for your prayers during this time,
Brie

This site

So I decided to create a blogspot so that I could keep everyone informed with what is going on with our family. Writing is just in my heart and really helps me to process what is going on, as well as inform everyone of what is going on. I so appreciate all the care, concern, love, and prayers of all of you. And, I wish that I could call everyone personally and let them know what is going on. But I just can't. First of all, I'm tired and I'm upset, and my desire is to make every single moment count with Mali and Eric. So, this is why I created this blog. I don't want this to be a site that creates more drama from what is already going on, or makes it worse than it is. But I need to and want to share with all of you and this is the best way I know how! Thank you again and again for your love and prayers.