Dear Mali

Disclaimer:
I really debated posting this. It is very personal and is written to Mali, not in the fashion that my posts normally are written. I wrote it first and then thought to post it, so I never considered who my audience might be reading this. But, I'm using this blog to keep up with digital scrapbooking now too, and honestly, it is just an easy way to have these things organized that I will use one day in scrapbooking. Especially since I'm not really sure where last year's letter is. Each year, I've written a birthday letter to Mali. This is my letter for her 5 year old birthday. I really can't believe that when we wake up tomorrow, we will be celebrating 5!!! I'm a little sad and almost want it to not come, but it will, and five will be a wonderful, maybe wonderfully difficult, year!

Oh sweet Mali, you are five! I cannot believe it has been five years since you were born. It has been so wonderful to become your mother. Most days I’m not sure how God could entrust me with such a precious gift, but He did and I’m soo glad. You are a treasure to me! This year I’ve prayed for you less, cuddled with you less, been less patient with you…but I have not loved you any less! I’m thankful for God’s mercy in parenting and confident that He will grow me to be the mother that you absolutely deserve as well as provide other people in your life to make up for where I’ve failed. But this letter is not about me, and neither is this journey, it is about you! For four years, life was about you. This past year has brought a huge change! You are now a big sister and you have to share everything! I’ve loved watching you in this role. Some days and moments you make me beam with pride. I love watching your tender moments with your sister! I love watching you help her walk and how you teach her too. I love how you repeat little phrases that I’ve said in passing, like “look mom she’s learning!” You have such potential and I can’t wait to watch you and Eleri’s relationship strengthen as the years go on! Most days and moments are really hard to share mom and dad’s laps and attention! I pray that these hard days teach you and strengthen your character and that I’m faithful with those teachable moments.
This year has really flown by! You have really grown up and are loosing a lot of the little girl in you! You amaze me with how smart you are! You love to learn and have really excelled in preschool (based on my observations!) You can write anything that we spell for you! One of my favorite things to do with you is to tell you how to spell words and watch you write! One time you wanted me to spell Chocolate Lab Weimeraner Mix! (Which I don’t think I spelled right!) YOU are learning, and I love it! I’m so very proud of you! You’ve also started rhyming and it is so cute! I’m amazed at how you have just picked up on this! I think you now officially learn more outside of the home. Even though this makes me a little sad, I’m still so proud of you and know that it is the best thing for you! I’m also amazed at how you can draw! I love your drawings and your creativity! I love the picture of Daddy golfing that you drew! You have some talent, albeit 4-year-old talent, but I think you certainly outdo me! I treasure these drawings and hate to part with them! It’s so hard to throw anything away that you’ve written or drawn because I’m just so proud of you and what you’ve done!
This year has also ushered in a new issue that really I just don’t like to deal with! You like little boys! How does this happen soooo early? Miss Mali, I am just not ready for this! To be honest, I want more for you than to be a boy crazy little girl. I see so much potential in you that I worry that you will waste it on being interested in boys. The times that I take to pray, I’m praying about this!!!! Your interest has been in a boy named Parker in the other preschool class. He doesn’t seem so interested! I have noticed that you do pick the cute ones though, so I guess at least you have good taste! I still don’t know how to handle your giddiness when any cute boy, at any age, is around you! I pray and hope that you will hold your head up and be confident in the beautiful, strong girl that God has made you! I think my heart rate has increased just now just thinking about this! Oh am I praying for wisdom and guidance in this area. I know we can really mess it up, but you are also only five!!!
I love watching you dance and sing! You really do like to perform and entertain! You have a beautiful voice and you always seem to sing songs in the same key that you’ve heard them! You can repeat almost any song that you’ve heard and liked whether it is the score from Annie or some of Daddy’s songs! You are precious and there is nothing sweeter to me than to see you smiling as you sing or dance on stage! You are a beauty and really like to enjoy yourself!
I love your funny little jokes and just witty things you say! I think you must get that from your Daddy! It is so cute and I love that my five year old can crack me up like you do! These moments are soooo soooo precious!
This year we have had a lot of discussion about Jesus living in your heart. You’ve told mommy and daddy that you want Jesus to live in your heart and that you have asked Him to live there. You’ve talked with us about what baptism means! I want you to know that walking with Jesus is a decision that you make every day, sometimes every hour or minute. Each decision you make is a choice to either walk with Jesus or not walk with Him. I believe that these decisions are so important and pray that you will choose to walk with Jesus! I know, from the other side, that this is the best choice that you can make! You enjoy going to BSF where you are the “leader” and going to the Clubhouse and singing praise songs. You’ve learned scripture and Truth at church, BSF and preschool.
I can’t believe you can swing on your own! You are also doing so great riding your bike! I love our outdoor time!
You talk about the cabin a lot! That warms my heart! Because I love the cabin and I love you so much. You have memories there that we are creating as a family. You also talk about San Diego. I’m thrilled that we have made sweet family memories together!
We’ve had some hard times this year! You are so strong willed, but I absolutely know and trust that God created you this way! So even though it is difficult sometimes as a parent, I also love it! There are days that I see a lot of me in you. I’m not sure how good that is, but it is the way that God made you. You have your bossy moments and we’ve had to work a lot on obedience and respect this year. But I see that you are getting it! You are doing so great saying “yes ma’m”. I can so sympathize with you on these areas, so sometimes I don’t always enforce discipline like I probably should!
You have also seemed to find your role as the big sister, or the older one in our family. When you see mommy cleaning, you like to help me clean! You like to work hard at cleaning your own bathroom. You also are finally motivated to keep your room clean. I think it just clicked; maybe it was age, or really wanting to please your Daddy. You’ve done a great job in the last few months of picking up your room. You also like to race Eleri to get ready in the morning and after bath at night! You win most nights! But I don’t care, as long as you brush your hair with out a battle!!! You really want bangs and keep saying funny things like “Jinni said bangs don’t hurt” and “Grammie has bangs Mommy.” I won’t let you have bangs, end of discussion!!! I can not have the added drama of having to keep those bangs trimmed!!
You really are my five-year-old princess! I love you deeply, even though I may be bad at showing it some days. I love your big smile! I love your funny expressions and how expressive you are when you talk and tell stories. I love how you are so social and can make friends anywhere. I love that you love to talk! I love that you dance like crazy and sing like crazy. I love watching you love your daddy! I love when you give your sister a sweet kiss or speak sweetly to her. I love when you help mommy clean and do your very best to be my helper! I love watching you play with Aspen. I love that you love the cabin. I love that you have such a great memory! I love watching you draw and write. I secretly love your style of dressing, because it is you, and I love you! I LOVE YOU MY SWEET MALI! Have a wonderful wonderful fifth year!
Love,
Mommy

We also seem to have a song for each of our girls. This year, this is the song for Mali! Here are the words and video...
KING OF THE WORLD by Point of Grace

Spinning around on the tops of his feet
smiles of the angels can not be so sweet
wide blue eyes and piggy tail swirls
shes her daddy's girl
cuz he knows the jokes that always make her laugh
takes her for ice cream instead of her nap
at the end of the day by the light of the moon
they turn up the music in their living room
and she yells

dance me, dance me around till my feet don't ever touch down there's nothing better than being your girl and if i am your princess then daddy you are the king of the world

its funny how life moves in circles of time to think not so long ago that face was mine
houses get smaller we take different names but some things in life stay the same

dance me, dance me around till my feet don't ever touch down there's nothing better than being your girl and if i am your princess than daddy you are the king of the world

some day she'll go off and find a life of her own
and marry a good man and make a happy home
until she comes back and sees with those same eyes what time can not disguse she walks through the door with that look on her face cuz daddy's brown hair has all turned to gray they talk for hours they cry and they laugh watchin old movies and time goes by just as she turns to go she says hey day how bout one for the road

dance me, dance me around till my feet don't ever touch down

dance me, dance me around till my feet dont ever touch down cuz theres nothing better than being your girl oh theres nothing better than being your girl and if i am your princess than daddy you are the king of the world
king of the world
smile of the angels could not be so sweet