3 weeks...where did my easy baby go?

Eleri will be 3 weeks old tomorrow! I can't believe how fast it has gone, especially with all the time I spend awake now!:) She is stilling doing great, I think I'm the one that is starting to struggle now. However, a few days ago she became "fussy" and we are wondering where our easy baby has gone. Right now being in the swing is what calms her the most easily. The good news is...she can be calmed (unlike her colicky older sister who could not be calmed). Dinner time is our hard time of the day. It seems that this is Eleri's fussy period of the day. I'm always trying to juggle keeping her calm, Mali fed and me fed. Eric is rarely home when we sit down to eat, and I can say that I miss him the most about 6pm each night! Still, this is life, and it is still really good and we are still so thankful for our sweet baby girl (who is still sweet, just fussier than before). Now, I'm going to "vent" a little about mothering issues, so if you are a man reading this, you may want to stop, although I will be discrete. Yesterday, I spent $70 on a compound prescription that is called Magic Nipple Cream...it really better be magic for the cost of it (insurance doesn't covers compounds apparently, although I didn't know that until it was time to check out.) This is supposed to help me with the pain that I'm having, although I know I will persevere. I just keep reminding myself it is at most 1 minute of pain each time, which is way worth it in the big scheme of things, and hopefully it will go away SOON! I had my 3 week checkup today to have my steri-strips removed. Eleri was a hit at the office and drew everyone's attention and affection! My incision has healed well and everything looked good. The pathology report was back and my OB said that the tissue came back normal. He did say he still feels like it was a little bit bad, but not bad enough to show up on the report. He said that there should be no concerns for the future...yeah!!!!! I also asked why I had a new incision and not one over my old scar (something that made me cry the other night when I discovered it.) I'm not sure why I cried, it is not cosmetic at all, trust me, but it was just a shock that now I will have two incision scars. Anyway, he said that the scalpel slipped down a little and that his wife gave him "the look". I reassured him that it was no big deal to me, but that I was just curious. Sleep has been hard too, but that is normal. Eleri really does great at night not waking except for feedings, but about the 2-3am feeding she DOES NOT want to go back to sleep, so I end up being up for a while putting her down and then right back up to feed her. Mali has been getting up at about 7am each morning (usually Eleri is eating around 6am) so sleep has been hard to come by. But, seriously by the grace of God, we are making it. We've also had to venture out of the house, and it is going surprisingly well. Feedings have worked out around taking and picking Mali up and all the appointments we've had. We are making it!!! I started "working" on Monday and will slowly add back in the days that I work with my client at his home. I'm glad for this opportunity, and although it isn't always easy, I know that it is a gift from God to me and to him and his family. It is just as much of my calling as being a mom is my calling right now! It was good to see him and get out of the house, although my head seemed a little foggy at first!:) I'm thankful that they are trusting me with their son!
Last night was my first "heart break" experience with Mali. I had put Eleri in the swing to "nap" while Mali and I had a "girls night" shower/bath. On the way to the bath, Eleri started crying, so I told Mali to wait and I would check on Eleri. When I left the room, Mali started crying. So both girls were crying, since Eleri was "safe" I came back to Mali and she was just pouring out tears. I asked her what was wrong, and through her tears she said "I wish you didn't love baby Eleri so much" and said something to the effect of wanting me to take care of her (Mali) and that another person could care for baby Eleri. I held Mali and we cried together (all three girls crying). I explained to Mali that I loved her just as much as baby Eleri, but that Eleri needed someone to take care of her and that Mali was a big girl and could take care of herself! It was sad, I was so sad for my big princess. Some funny Mali things have been; her nursing her teddy bears (and they get to eat banana pudding instead of milk). The other day, an Ambien commercial came on and Mali said "look mom they have stuff that you can just sprinkle on you and you can sleep." Now, I HAVE not talked to Mali about how little sleep I'm getting, she is just a smart girl, and this was a funny moment. If only it worked like that!
I just had to vent and get these things out! Life really is great and I'm so thankful for both my girls, we are just adjusting and learning what our new normal is.