I tried and tried to come up with a better title for this post, but it just didn't happen, and this title fits. The other day it hit me that next week I will be 6 months pregnant, which means 3 months to go, which really means about 17 weeks left until Eleri is born. OH MY GOODNESS!!! I have been very content with this pregnancy and not felt the desire to rush it at all, so maybe that is why it has now snuck up on me. If it were up to me, I'd just hang out in the 2nd trimester for a little longer (it has been really great). I'm excited for her birth, don't get me wrong, but I'm feeling inadequate and unprepared. We haven't even come close to deciding on bedding thanks to my picky husband:) (just kidding honey, sort of). Her "room" is still be used as my office (no big deal really), we haven't figured out where to relocate all of the office items in our previously large house that has now shrunk with the addition coming, her "birth" hasn't been paid for yet, we have no crib,....anyway the list of my worries could go on and on. But on a much larger note, I'm wondering if I can do this...another baby, plus having Mali already. I'm scared of spending my moments with Mali yelling at her or frustrated with her not napping when I need a nap so bad or pulling a "I need water, I need...." at bedtime. I'm not sure I can do it. Actually, I know that in my own humanness I CAN NOT do it effectively and as wonderfully as I know it needs to be done. The encouragement though, is that we are studying the Life of Moses in BSF right now and God has reminded me that He needs my obedience and not my ability! Good thing, because I'm pretty sure I don't have the ability. Moses had a failure to start off his calling (I've had several "failures" in my calling as mother with Mali and I'm sure I'll add some to the list this next season.) Moses argued with God about his calling (I might be there right now, "God are you sure I can parent a girl well enough, are you sure I can parent two, no I can't do it God). Moses was scared that he didn't have the ability (I don't have the ability, even though God has brought me LEAPS and BOUNDS in the mothering department, I'm still not the perfect mother.) But, I know the end of Moses' story...that God used Moses despite all of this and that Moses is commended for his FAITH and not all of his FAILURES. I just sometimes wish I knew the end of my story...but then I'd miss all the amazing mothering moments I have before me! (Like Mali calling out last night "Good-night Baby Eleri.") We have sweet moments ahead, difficult moments ahead (as two moms in two days have decided they need to tell me all about how difficult having two is), and moments we can not even fathom. I pray that I'll make it, that I'll lean on God and rely on HIS abilities and focus on being obedient and selfless. Pray for us in the meantime, for my love and attitude towards Mali, that I treasure and am wise with all my moments with her, an easy transition (its worth praying for and hoping for), and that Mali loves and cherishes her baby sister and adapts well to the change in family. Pray for me and Eric too, that we will be a team as we head up our castle of princesses!:)
Well, I need to go wipe my hormonal eyes!
Wednesday, October 8, 2008
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Hey Brie! It sounds like you are feeling like I felt a few months ago. The 3rd trimester snuck up on me like it has you. I remember balling my eyes out the day the 3rd trimester officially started b/c I felt so "behind and unprepared" and with little time to catch up. We converted our office to the nursery, too! Our desk now sits in our living room...it works. We packed up mostly everything that was in the office...books,furniture, not to mention our queen size quest bed. I also couldn't find bedding for the longest time. I finally ordered some from Restoration Hardware. It was backordered until 3 weeks before she was due! I didn't know if it'd be here, but at least I had it ordered and could start on the nursery. Check out Restoration Hardware Baby & Child. Their line is awesome, somewhat pricey though, but not outrageous. It all came together for us in the 3rd trimester. But I totally understand how you feel. Believe me...you still have 3 months! Plenty of time. As far as Mali...just think about how much help she'll be! She'll be able to go get the diapers & run around being mommy's little big sister helper! Maybe you can start talking that up so she'll get excited about her new role as big sister! I'm sure she can't wait to meet her sister. Hang in there...you are doing great. It will all come together & be perfect!
ReplyDeleteKeep praying for a "Grace, Mercy and Peace and Joy filled transition." That was my prayer (and my BSF prayer) for MONTHS. God is faithful and even in the hard moments (being up for 3 hours the other night!), God has given me grace.
ReplyDeleteThat does sound stressful! It seems like time is flying for you. I'm so glad that you're loving the second trimester and feeling better. Although I don't have kids, here's my advice. Nobody, with the exception of Christ, is perfect. We're not expected to be. And that's where repentance and His Atonement comes in. Your heart has been softened as you realize that you're not perfect and that you can't do this by yourself. As you said in your blog, your faith and obedience will carry you along, and God will help you with your shortcomings. And just think, when you had Mali, you had NO experience as a mother. You've grown and learned soooo much with her and you realize that you need to be selfless which is very important. Now you just need to trust yourself. I agree with Leah, that you'll have more help this time. Mali can actually be a tool and help you. Your girls can teach and play with each other. I have no doubt that you will be a wonderful mother! All you need to do is give it your best!
ReplyDeleteThanks Girls for your sweet words and encouragement!
ReplyDeleteBrie,
ReplyDeleteMotherhood is by far one of the most difficult and joyous roles we play in life! God is continuing to go ahead of you, and preparing the way! I will be praying for you during this transitional time!